Find Common Ground: The Key to HR Leaders Resolving Any Conflict at Work

In a world where polarisation is increasing and workplace tensions can flare under the surface of even the most collaborative teams, one truth remains steadfast: conflict is not the enemy—disconnection is.

As a former hostage negotiator, psychologist, and leadership professor, I have seen firsthand how even the most dangerous conflicts can be resolved—not through force or coercion—but by establishing human connection, creating dialogue, and most critically, finding common ground.

Let me begin with a story.

The Power of a Simple Connection

Several years ago, I worked with a tech firm embroiled in a bitter standoff between two senior leaders. The conflict had stalled innovation and was rippling down to demoralise their teams. HR had tried mediation. The CEO had stepped in. Nothing worked.

When I met with them, I didn’t start with their disagreements. I asked about what they cared about—beyond business. One had a deep commitment to mentoring young engineers. The other had founded a non-profit that taught coding to underrepresented students. Within five minutes, we found common ground: they both believed in empowering the next generation. From there, the tone shifted. The adversaries started to see each other not as threats, but as allies with shared purpose. Dialogue replaced confrontation. Trust, once broken, began to mend.

The lesson: even in the most entrenched conflicts, it is always possible to find common ground—if you look for it.

A Lesson From the Front Lines

In a real-life hostage situation I once faced, a violent man threatened my life and that of a nurse. In the middle of that crisis, I asked him, “Do you want to live or die?” He said he didn’t care. But when I mentioned his children, he broke down. He had forgotten how much he loved them. That shared human bond—father to father—was the turning point. He surrendered peacefully.

If it’s possible to find common ground in a life-or-death hostage negotiation, surely it’s possible in the boardroom, the breakroom, or during a performance review.

The HR Leader as Secure Base

In any organisation, HR plays a pivotal role as a secure base. You are not just guardians of policy—you are enablers of psychological safety and champions of healthy conflict. When you help people feel seen, heard, and valued, you unlock the conditions for trust and openness. And that’s where conflict transforms—from a destructive force to a catalyst for innovation.

But you cannot be a secure base unless you master the art of dialogue. This means creating space for people to express frustration without fear, to challenge without being seen as disloyal, and to bring emotion into the room without it being labeled as weakness.

From “Command and Control” to “Bond and Build”

Too many leaders still operate from a “command and control” mindset. This not only suppresses dialogue, but creates the conditions for conflict to go underground—where it festers. High-performing organisations, in contrast, understand that conflict is not only natural—it is necessary. What matters is how we manage it.

The hostage negotiation framework I teach at IMD—and have used across Fortune 500 boardrooms—offers six core principles that HR leaders can adopt today:

1. Create and maintain a bond—even with an adversary. You don’t need to like someone to bond with them. You need only to respect their humanity.
2. Use dialogue, not debate. Dialogue seeks truth through connection. Debate seeks victory through separation.
3. Put the fish on the table. Don’t hide the conflict. Name it. Address it. Clean it together.
4. Focus on needs, not just interests. Often what drives conflict isn’t a missed promotion—it’s a perceived lack of respect or belonging.
5. Leverage the law of reciprocity. Make a genuine concession, and the other person is far more likely to do the same.
6. Nurture the relationship throughout. Never lose the bond—even if you don’t find agreement right away.

These are not abstract ideas. They are trainable skills, applicable to every manager, every team, and every HR leader tasked with creating resilient and adaptable workplaces.

Practical Tools for HR

To make this actionable, here are three steps you can introduce in your organisation:

• Train managers in conflict dialogue. Equip them to listen actively, ask powerful questions, and regulate their emotions.
• Create space for emotional expression. Normalise discussions about fear, frustration, and disappointment. These are not weaknesses—they are data.
• Reframe conflict as opportunity. Celebrate teams that challenge each other respectfully. Make it safe to “disagree and commit.”

Leading in a Hostage-Free State of Mind

Ultimately, every conflict—personal or organisational—comes down to a choice: will we become hostages to fear, ego, and control? Or will we step into dialogue, courage, and connection?

As leaders, and especially as HR professionals, we must hold up the mirror and ask: “Where is the common ground here?” Because it’s always there. We just have to look for it.

And when we do, we don’t just resolve conflict—we build bonds that elevate performance, trust, and meaning.

Let us help leaders at every level leverage that common ground. One negotiation. One conflict resolution. One dialogue at a time.